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Naturally, intimacy is the spark that helps to keep a marriage alive. Having emotional intimacy makes us feel loved and accepted. However, emotional intimacy can quickly fall to the wayside when careers and/or family get in the way and take over.

Then there may be no intimacy at all.

That intimate feeling that used to spark romance seems to be harder to find once you’ve been together for awhile.  The demands of life can get the way and you and your partner can be left wondering how to increase the emotional intimacy in your relationship.

It doesn’t really need to be said that emotional intimacy is an important part of a relationship.  Emotional intimacy is that connection between you and your significant other that makes you desire each other and makes you excited to be with each other. 

When emotional intimacy starts to fade, it could spell trouble for even the best of relationships.

However, there are five simple things you can do to help increase emotional intimacy in your relationship:
Eye contact is still important.  Direct eye contact has been shown to be a very emotional action.  It stirs emotions within a person that are very intense.  Gazing into your lovers’ eyes can really give your emotional intimacy a kick – and possibly cause goose bumps and that all over feeling of excitement!

Remember to Kiss.  Many times as a relationship ages, kissing is lost.  A kiss is one of THE MOST emotially intimate actions between a couple.  A kiss can signify so much more than any other thing you can do.

Connect on a deeper level.  One way to do this is to lie together, each feeling the others heart beat and synchronizing your breathing.  This can bring you together on such a deep, intimate level that it is exhilarating.

Just spend a little time enjoying each others company.  You do not have to be doing anything else but being together.  You don’t even have to talk! Just the simple act of spending time together is enough.

Do small things that say “I love you.” It is usually the smallest gestures that say the most. Doing small, simple things every now and then shows you care so much that you won’t even have to say those three little words; your partner will just know (and it will be GREATLY appreciated). 

These are five great ways to increase the emotional intimacy in your relationship.  Even though they may not be considered as sexual intimacy, they are very intimate.

You are simply trying to focus on increasing the emotional intimacy between you, and building it up to where it once was.

As you build the intimacy in your relationship you will soon start to see its impact.  You may get giddy like you were when you first got together.  You may start to feel like you are going through puppy love all over again. 

Best of all you are going to be creating and strengthening that bond between you that will help to keep you happily together.  That is why improving emotional intimacy can do wonders for your relationship.

Get TWO FREE DATING GUIDES: “The Ultimate Dating Guide” and “Successful Midlife Dating Online.” www.midlifematchmaker.com

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If you are like most people in America who find themselves single, your dating life is not quite what you dreamed it would be like. However, you can increase the number of first dates you go on, as well as increase the likelihood that those first dates will lead to second and third dates. Wanna know how? Well, read on, and find out how you, too, can double your dating life!

If you are not meeting the type of people you would like to build a relationship with, or if you are simply not meeting people at all, the first thing you must do is get out of the rut! Spending more time in the same old places and with the same old people is not going to get you anywhere. You might get an extra date or two, but if they come from the same place as others, they just might not be any different from the ones which came before. So break out of the same old routine and find some new places to meet people.  Or try new things:  Like online dating, or maybe even an adult dating atmosphere.

But where else can you meet people these days? The first thing to do is really sit down and think about where your interests lie. Are you passionate about food? Do you love to create delicious gourmet meals? Perhaps you should sign up for a cooking class at your local community college!

Don’t dismiss these ideas simply because you already know how to cook.  You are going for the opportunity to meet people, not to learn what you already know. And, if you don’t know how to cook, perhaps you’ll find someone who does!

Do you love animals, and want to meet someone who feels the same way? How about spending a couple of afternoons a week volunteering at the local animal shelter? Not only will the time be rewarding personally, you will be surrounded by people who also share this interest with you.  I personally know of one person who did this exact thing, and it worked out very well.

Get creative, and get out there! Many dance clubs and music halls offer dancing lessons on weeknights when business is slow. This is a terrific opportunity to meet other singles in a low-pressure atmosphere because you are guaranteed to be asked to dance. And dancing is a perfect ice breaker.

Are you a single mother or single father? Believe it or not, there are ways for you to meet other single parents. Become active in your local Parent Teacher Association, especially if you are a single father. Not only will you be building quality time with your child and helping his or her school better meet their needs, you also have a chance to find someone who shares similar interests and understands the demands of single parenthood.

A word of caution—many dating sites advise you to be aloof, even to partially ignore your date when you are out together. If you follow this advice, be careful! Many women and men find this sort of thing downright rude. Remember, good manners never go out of style.

With all these things in mind, get out of the house and jump into your new world of dating!

Have fun and enjoy your renewed social life!

Get TWO FREE DATING GUIDES: “The Ultimate Dating Guide” and “Successful Midlife Dating Online.” www.midlifematchmaker.com

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You’ve probably figured this out by now, but dating is much different now than it was in the 20th century. Not only have women gained more independence and control in relationships during the past 40 years, the Internet has had an effect on all aspects of human relationships. Methods of meeting others often reflect what is happening to society as a whole. Although dating can be more invigorating as a result of sexual liberation, it can also put people in more harmful situations. It certainly isn’t our parents’ world anymore.

There was a time when dating was commonly referred to as “courting” and it was a much more conservative way for a man to get to know a woman. Of course, today’s world doesn’t consider a courtship necessarily a man-woman union and there certainly aren’t any hard fast rules about who approaches whom. 

I for one, am completely thankful for this because I LOVE to dance.  However, for some reason, I’m the last person men will ask to dance.  Maybe it’s because I’m not all that busty, but even so, I LOVE to dance!  I learned early on that if I want to dance at all, I’m going to have to ask the men myself!  Fortunately, I haven’t been turned down many times, and I think men are quit flattered when a woman asks them to dance.  I am very thankful for popular culture and political movements, where now the dating world can be a free for all. Yet, some feel this may not necessarily be a good thing.

With the virtual world at our fingertips, online dating and socializing has become more and more acceptable. Where this concept was once considered odd or dangerous, popular online social networks have made it downright commonplace, particularly amongst midlife adults.

However, this form of meeting others can be even more flighty than approaching a stranger in a bar. At least one can see the person they are approaching in a bar- online dating is even more ambiguous.

Even more high tech are the newfound dating services that promise scientific, accurate matches for people. Sure, matchmakers date back to biblical times, but today’s services are much more thorough. Extensive personality examinations yield more specific results than “Man seeking a non-smoking woman”. Everyone has seen banner ads online for these virtual matchmaking companies, as well as television commercials with real-life testimonials of happy couples. It is hard to argue with the results when a happy, attractive couple is telling everyone that it really worked for them.

Although meeting potential mates through the Internet is certainly becoming popular, the number one ways to meet “the one” are still a few old standbys: through mutual friends or at a bar/club. It is amazing though, that some people will subscribe to Match.com or Yahoo Personals, and find out that their one and only lives just down the street (this actually happened to a friend of mine) – I have NO idea why she didn’t run across him before - but it was definitely worth the money spent looking. . .

Still, according to Nielsen researchers, the most popular way to meet people goes in this order:

1. Through friends/bar or nightclub
2. At work/online
3. Dating agency
4. Classified ads
5. Speed dating, other and phone dating.

Although modern 21st century dating may have its drawbacks at times, many happy unions have been formed amongst the liberated or the cyber-friendly.

After all, how advantageous is it to make rash assumptions about society just because it is experiencing a new trend? Like anything else in life, using common sense seems to be the key to safety and happiness. This is particularly true when it applies to anyone’s approach to dating.

Get TWO FREE DATING GUIDES: “The Ultimate Dating Guide” and “Successful Midlife Dating Online.” www.midlifematchmaker.com

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When it comes to romance there are quite a few misconceptions, and some of them are really whoppers!  I hate to say it, but the biggest bloopers in romance are generally made by men who have big misconceptions about what their women want in the way of romance.

Here are the ten biggest romance misconceptions:

The first is that sex and romance are one and the same. - Romance can and does lead to sex, of course, but to assume that the sex act is a romantic encounter just because it happens couldn’t be farther from the truth. People can have sex and not connect on a personal level at all. In fact, it happens far too often.

The second of the ten biggest misconceptions about romance is that it’s not important in a long term relationship:
“She knows I love her. I’m here, aren’t I?” With an attitude like that, your happiness might be short-lived. Romance must continue throughout the entire relationship or the love and the relationship will die.

Some also have the idea that it’s expensive to show romance in a relationship. What a misconception.

How expensive is a walk in the park, a walk on the beach under the moonlight, a dance in the living room (hum, dirty dancing is always fun!), or a love poem you wrote yourself and left for your loved one to find?

It is, in fact. often the least expensive romantic gesture and the one that came from your own hands, your own mind and your own heart that are the most romantic. Thinking otherwise is a big misconception.

The idea that all women are romantics and men aren’t are is another biggie. As with any other attitude, desire, or practice, people are individuals. Our sexist society has given men the message that being romantic is not being macho and not being macho is the kiss of manly death. Nothing could be further from the truth.

A romantic man is one that is confident enough in himself that he can show his true feelings. A romantic man is loving, considerate and a good listener. Romance must come from both mates or it will not flourish.

Giving candy and flowers can heal all wounds. That is a common misconception about romance. The gesture of taking the time to choose just the right bouquet and just the right vase, or the kind of chocolates you know are her favorite can mean a lot when given at the right time; but trying to heal a bad wound that you’ve created by calling a florist, whipping out your credit card and having someone else deliver what it took you all of two minutes to decide on is not going to be much of anything except an empty gesture. You’ll have to test this yourself of course, everyone is different.

Personalization, effort, knowing your mate and caring what he or she likes, wants or needs – those are romantic gestures. If flowers and candy are the answer, so be it. Far too often they really aren’t.

The last four of the 10 biggest misconceptions about romance are:

• There are romantic people and there are those that aren’t, and neither can change;

• That you have to do a lot of preparatory work to be romantic;

• That the words “I love you” are enough and make everything else right;

• And that celebrating just on Valentine’s Day, Birthday and Christmas are enough romance.

Make it fun, make it exciting, be spontaneous, and you’ll have all the romance you need to keep you both happy!

Get TWO FREE DATING GUIDES: “The Ultimate Dating Guide” and “Successful Midlife Dating Online.” www.midlifematchmaker.com

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When you’ve decided to search one of the many online dating services for your perfect mate, you’ll need to think about writing a great profile.  After all, the profile is one of the keys to getting dates online.

Unfortunately, not everyone has the right idea of what should be included in a profile. Your profile is a form of self-advertisement to others using the same service as you are, and is the main way you will find prospective friends and potential partners.

Of course, this is not as easy as it seems.  And there is tremendous competition in the online dating world – which makes it even more important for you learn how to write a great online dating profile.

Create a Personality

The first thing you have to remember is that you are going to HAVE to stand out if you want to get noticed. With millions of people now using personal ads, it is almost impossible to get optimal results if you only create a run-of-the-mill profile.

You have to distinguish yourself, and use whatever tools you have to gain a measure of popularity.

Two things will tend to catch the eye of someone browsing through personal ads. One is your username, the other is the picture that you’ve uploaded.

The username is important and must say something about you. You can use your name if you wish, but generally you should shy away from using your full name and instead some sort of nickname. Make sure that the name you choose has some sort of appeal, especially to the type of people you want to attract with your ad.  You’ll get very little attention if you put out a username of loveumandleaveum, or immafat.  (OK, I”ll stop there, I think you get the picture.)

Speaking of which, the picture is another important aspect of your profile that you shouldn’t ignore. Always try to upload your best, most personable picture – and then some.

Remember that people usually judge by appearances, so to get the best results, you should try to put on the best of appearances. Try to upload a variety of pictures, one that shows you in different aspects of life. And please, don’t just snap a picture of yourself in the mirror and upload that.  No one wants to go out with someone who doesn’t even have a friend that can help them take a picture!

Other Important Online Dating Stuff

While the username you use and the pictures are the most important parts of your profile, you should not ignore the other portions. In fact, you should probably spend as much time making sure that you have a quality profile. This is where people will really being to get interested in you, not just in your appearance.

Even though it might be easy to fill out the profile quickly, with sort answers, be careful of this also.  It doesn’t hurt to list your hobbies and how you like to spend your free time. This is, after all, important information when it comes to the people who are looking into your profile. This is the first (and maybe only way) they will know what they have in common with you.

A short of list of favorite movies, books, and songs might be useful in this area too.

So, put your best foot forward in your profile.  Take a little time and do it right, and also have a friend read it and make suggestions. You must get this one thing right if you want anyone to wink at you.

Get TWO FREE DATING GUIDES: “The Ultimate Dating Guide” and “Successful Midlife Dating Online.” www.midlifematchmaker.com

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After the infamous “opening line. which is hopefully new and unique (and not, haven’t I seen you somewhere before? - there are three killer dating closing techniques, which nearly all guys will brag about using as their own.

These not so known about killer dating closing techniques are 1) charm and flattery, 2) hypnosis and neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), and 3) alpha male seduction.

Many men will use the same technique most of the time.  Hey, it worked before, it should work again  right?  However, I’m telling you this; you should vary your technique according to what you perceive is the best choice with a particular woman. Not all women are alike, therefore, not all of them will fall for the same technique.

Charm and flattery as a technique for closing in on a date is the one most used by guys. A hopefully sincere man who uses flattery and charm will start out his introduction to a woman by flattering and complimenting her (my you have nice eyes!); take her to fine restaurants and luxurious places; spend a great deal of money on her (where’s this guy again?), and hope she will respond with affection romance, and . . .

For some women, however, this killer dating closing technique for guys is fairly see-through, and doesn’t rate highly with them. While flattering at first, smart women are going to see this as an obvious pick-up ploy. However, it will work for the women who wants nothing more from a relationship than to be wined and dined, and those who are very young and very naive. So, if you use this technique, be prepared to keep it up, or she’ll leave very quickly!

Hypnosis such as NLP is one of the killer dating closing techniques for guys that many men try. There are books, sites, tapes and CDs that teach this method, and while it might work, it only does if the man who is learning and applying the technique already is self confident enough that he believes he can pull it off.

Unfortunately, many guys that try this as one of their killer dating closing techniques are trying to make themselves into something they are not – suave, sophisticated and self assured. So, their hypnosis / NLP attempt to generate attraction and sexual excitement in women doesn’t work well, and wouldn’t work more than once.

Another of the three time-honored killer dating closing techniques for guys is called the alpha male method of seduction. This method is not anything that is learned or taught really, it’s not a script or the result of lessons. It is simply a belief that you are a man who is strong, good, attractive and worthy of the attention of the woman of your choice. A man who believes in himself will exude the kind of self assurance that women find attractive. It’s that simple. Of course, it can be taken to obnoxious or narcissistic extremes, and that may get you the first date but not much after that. In general, however, what this alpha male killer dating technique says is that, for guys who believe in themselves and what they have to offer a mate, there will be at least one woman who will realize that and become his life partner.

See, you don’t really need flattery (although a little sure helps), and definitely not hypnosis (unless you’re getting desperate, or in the mood for a little excitement for once). Just be confident in yourself ad your abilities, and the world will work with you and your beautiful new partner.

Get TWO FREE DATING GUIDES: “The Ultimate Dating Guide” and “Successful Midlife Dating Online.” www.midlifematchmaker.com

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Sometimes in relationships lies seem to be way too easy to come by.  Part of the reason why lies are so rampant in relationships is because, for one reason or another, many people fear being honest.  This leads them to lies and deceit.  When you are in a relationship and you have a fear of being honest then you really need to take time to get to the heart of your fear, so you can make a good, healthy relationships for yourself.

What? You’ve never heard of this before.  Well, it’s true! People fear being honest for many reasons.  People fear being honest because they do not want to hurt their partner.  They fear honesty because they do not want to disappoint their partner.  They fear honesty because of what may happen to them. The fear of honesty can be both selfish and selfless.  If you’re not doing anything wrong, you should have nothing to fear.

What usually happens to perpetuate the fear of being honest is that a person does so something wrong that would be devastating to their relationship if their partner found out.  Maybe this person got really drunk one night and cheated.  After that happens, the line of thought goes something like this until the fear of being honest is fully engaged:

- What harm is there is not telling her if I am never going to do it again.
- I didn’t mean to cheat.  I was drunk.  I know I’ll never do it again.
- I cheated and if he/she finds out she will leave me.
- She would not get mad or depressed if I don’t tell her.
- Instead I will be able to stay with her and we will never have to face the trauma of what I have done.

It’s not hard to see that the person is trying to rationalize in their head why they should lie.  They are so wrapped up in thinking about lying that they do not even think about the repercussions of the lie verses the repercussions of their original situation.
 
Lack of honesty can only lead to more problems.  For example, in the scenario above, a lie about cheating found out is almost as bad as the cheating itself. This person may not have ruined their relationship when they originally cheated, but by lying about it they really have now almost definitely ruined their relationship.

The fear of being honest is something you have to overcome if you ever want to have a good relationship.  Once a person catches their partner in a lie, it takes a lot of time and energy to ever be able to regain that trust. That makes the lie almost as bad as anything you could have lied about in the first place.
 
So, in the end a fear of honesty is only building yourself up for constant failure in relationships.  A fear of honesty is one you have to overcome if love is to ever be in your future.
 
Honesty is really the ONLY option if a relationship is to succeed!
 

Get TWO FREE DATING GUIDES: “The Ultimate Dating Guide” and “Successful Midlife Dating Online.” www.midlifematchmaker.com

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A person can sabotage a relationship in so many ways.  Sometimes it’s done consciously, but more often it is an unconscious act on our part.

Of course, most people want their relationships to work or they wouldn’t go out looking for one!  When the relationship does not work they wonder why it failed.

Sometimes the reason a relationship failed is that we unconsciously sabotaged it.

Sabotaging a relationship is something people do everyday.  We do it for many different reasons.  Sometimes we do it as a way of protecting ourselves; sometimes it is related to how we were raised or something that happened in a past relationship.  Whatever the reason, there seems to be ten fatal flaws people make that sabotage their relationships:

1. Choosing a partner based on the wrong criteria. If you always have a set criteria you look for in a mate, maybe you are cheating yourself.  You should not judge a person by what they have or don’t have, but rather by who they are.

2. Letting the relationship progress too fast.  Women and men get caught up in emotions and tend to let things move too quickly.  By becoming too vulnerable too quickly you are opening the door for trouble.  It is better to connect emotionally before letting things go too far.

3. Getting attached before getting acquainted.  As emotional beings, we tend to let our hearts rule our head. When you become too emotionally attached before getting to know someone, you are putting yourself at risk of ending up heart broken or being stuck in a bad relationship.

4. Being too clingy.  If you abandon all your friends and all your other commitments so you can be with your new soul mate all the time then you are making a major mistake.  Becoming too clingy will definitely drive a person away.

5. Creating expectations.  One thing both parties need to understand is that when they get into a relationship they need to accept the person for who they are, and not always be trying to change them. If they weren’t a millionaire when you met them, don’t expect him to become one when you are together.

6. Allowing problems to build up.  Many times people are content to ignore problems, thinking they will go away.  When you do this you are only building yourself up for a major outburst.  It is always better to handle problems directly and as soon as possible so they do not grow into something that can’t be fixed.

7. Being fake.  You can not try to be someone you are not just to attract a mate.  Once you start off lying your relationship will forever be scarred.

8. Lies.  Lies of any kind are sure relationship killers. You have to be honest about everything from the start.

9. Old fashioned.  Some men appreciate a woman with old-fashioned values, but many men still prefer a women who can be independent and who thinks for herself.  Most men don’t want a clingy, ditzy woman nor do they want one.  They prefer an intellectual woman who is her own person. 

10.Expecting this person to be your soul mate.  Many single people are on the quest to find that one true love they are meant to be with forever.  Many times in this quest a person passes up possibilities who are wonderful and could be the one, if only they got to know them.  Having this idea of a soul mate can be quite damaging.  It places unreal expectations and strain on a relationship.

I was once asked “How do I know for sure if he is my one and only?”  Well, the answer is, you really don’t.  However, if he or she makes you happy, then take it day by day. If you continue to be happy, then, that’s all that counts.

Get TWO FREE DATING GUIDES: “The Ultimate Dating Guide” and “Successful Midlife Dating Online.” www.midlifematchmaker.com

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Did you know that for singles, the key to avoiding getting involved with the wrong partner (a partner from hell so to speak) is the amount of self confidence a person has.
 
Because there is usually no one else available, single people must primarily count on themselves to find happiness and protect themselves from predators and partners that turn out bad.

Unfortunately, some people use sex to feel loved; in their minds, being loved equates to self worth. Too many singles don’t have high enough self esteem to be comfortable with their own opinion of themselves.

Self confidence is needed to avoid a partner from hell who might just stalk you forever. Unfortunately, there are singles who all too often invite the wrong partner into their lives because that person shores up their own weakened sense of self worth.

Singles without self confidence are vulnerable. They are an often trusting,and insecure. However, they are also good-hearted - and too often easily open up their hearts to the wrong people.

This happens because, being good themselves, they cannot believe others aren’t as well. They need love and this partner is offering it. Broken hearts and even broken bones can result from being unaware of the dangers and the warning signs of a partner from hell. The same catastrophes befall those who, because they are singles without self confidence, don’t take the necessary steps to learn how to avoid matches that should not occur, and instead find someone that they have chemistry with. 

Here are a few ways to build self confidence and avoid the pitfalls of falling for the wrong person.

The first tip is that success breeds more success, while failure tends to breed more failure. The latter does not have to be the case with folks who have abundant drive and self confidence, however. In fact, most self-made millionaires will readily tell you that they went bankrupt or drove their companies into the ground at least once before they got the successful business thing down pat. But with those who lack self confidence one failure, even small, can tear them back down.

The best thing for singles to do then, is to start small in the self confidence building process. They should determine where their strengths and interests are and pursue some fruitful venture in those arenas. If, for instance, a less than self confident single enjoyed taking pictures with her or his camera, she or he might take a local course that teaches how to use a more advanced camera, take some great shots, perhaps even sell them to a local newspaper or periodical, and even set up a own dark room.

Meeting other singles while doing something you love is the best way to find someone that has the same interests you do.

As this new venture progresses, it may lead to other new things.  Soon, this  single person that previously had little self confidence will try more and more  new things.  Each successful learning experience will increase self confidence and make it much more likely that the perfect mate will be found.  When you find your unstoppable power, anything is possible!

Get TWO FREE DATING GUIDES: “The Ultimate Dating Guide” and “Successful Midlife Dating Online.” www.midlifematchmaker.com

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If you’ve never tried speed dating, now might be the time. It’s not for everyone, but for some, it’s a nice, fun way to meet people - with no strings attached and no expectations for a second date.

You might consider speed dating just another dating event.  But be warned.  Speed dating is not like any other type of dating.

The first impression is quick, and the time together extremely limited. You must act fast if you have any interest at all. Flirt quickly if you have even a hint of interest.  Make eye contact, and if you’re close enough, reach out your hand and touch their arm or hand in a gentle way, without being suggestive.

Use her or his name several times while chatting. This serves two purposes in that by doing this, YOU will remember the name, and then, the other person will know that you are interested.  If you aren’t interested, don’t bother with the name dropping.  You don’t want the wrong names to stick in your head. 

Another helpful speed dating tip is to prepare a list of questions ahead of time. You usually only get five minutes, which may go by fast, but it could also drag on if you run out of things to say.  That would also be a total waste of your time and money.
 
Try to ask at least one question that will surprise, possibly delight and amuse, and one that you expect no one else will have asked.
 
Always dress well when speed dating. Remember, this is a first impression, and if you blow it, you may not get another chance.

Don’t dress like you’re celebration New Years or anything, just put on a nice suit or your best (non-formal) dress or pant suit.  You don’t want to stand out like an unappealing and not very savvy sore thumb.
 
To get the most out of speed dating you must follow standard guidelines of personal safety as well. Once you have met and agreed to meet someone later do so in a public place and make sure at least one friend knows where you and your date are going to be and when you are expected home. Be careful about giving out your home address.
 
Another tip for getting the most out of speed dating is to use break time wisely.  You might want to meet again with someone that was especially interesting. Chat with them a little. If you feel like you didn’t come across so hot the first time you met, and you’re interested in them, a little more chatting just might help.
 
Two more rules:  Don’t ever lie, and don’t expect too much from your speed date. If you don’t go home with a number of planned dates, don’t give up.  Like anything else, speed dating takes practice.  Not everyone will find their soul mate within the one set of people that got together that night.

Be sure to fill out your speed dating cards at the end of the rotation.  Everything goes fast at these events, and you want to be sure to remember the name of someone you really liked.  It’s amazing how easy it is to forget names.
 
During your date, if you stay on safe topics, ask open-ended questions that draw your date out, and make sure it stays FUN, you’ll do just fine.

Get TWO FREE DATING GUIDES: “The Ultimate Dating Guide” and “Successful Midlife Dating Online.” www.midlifematchmaker.com

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